“Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.” (2 Timothy2:15, ESV)

 

There is a new breed of single parents on the rise. These parents are often happily married to wonderful men or women. These parents have very active lives with their children and strive to spend as much time with their partners as possible. In fact, you could not even tell who these parents are until they come to church. These parents are what I call the religiously-divorced.

You may ask yourself, “What in the world are the religiously-divorced parents?” This term is my phrase which describes those families in which only one of the married couple (usually the wife) attends church or deals with the spiritual growth of the family. More and more pews are being filled by one parent and their children (or just by one of the married couple should they not have any children) than in past years.

In many cases, those who are religiously-divorced suffer in silence. Many long for their loved one to come and walk with them on their spiritual journey. Some feel ashamed or shunned because their spouse is at home or out enjoying the day. (Please understand: to miss an occasional service is not the audience being addressed. This is for those who have a spouse that chooses not to worship together as a couple for whatever reason it may be.) The majority of those who have been religiously-divorced are actually divorcing themselves from God. What would make one actively separate them from God? The easy answer would be sin, and it would be correct. But it does not necessarily have to be the one avoiding God. It could be because they may have had a bad experience from church. Maybe they had come to church for restoration and only found only rejection and ridicule for being in their sin in the first place. Maybe the pastor or spiritual leader had not ministered to their flock properly and because they were not there for them they separated themselves from God, thinking, “If God does not have time for me, I will not have time for Him.” In any case, the religiously-divorced believe they are only hurting themselves.

What those who remain apart from the faith do not understand is the mental and emotional suffering they place their families who draw close to the faith feel. In some cases, there is a social stigma that that parent does not want to be with their spouse and children. Many times the children will search their hearts and ask themselves, “Why doesn’t daddy/mommy want to come to church with me? Did I do something wrong?” even though it has nothing to do with them. Some spouses will feel like a single at church functions or avoid them because their spouse will not attend with them. Some will try to talk the spouse into attending church, only to end up in a verbal fight, giving the one staying home more of an excuse for avoiding God, because now God had created the rift in the marriage. But the biggest concern for those who attend church who have spouses/parents not attending is the afterlife question: Will they go to heaven when they die? Christians know that a person must have an ongoing, healthy relationship with God/Jesus/Holy Spirit that is the key to eternal life.

I believe each church must look within itself to see who are the religiously-divorced in their congregations and to come along their side. The church must support not only those attending church, but also those who stay home. They must ask the children how they fell about the situation and to counsel them if needed. They must also do the same for the spouses. Churches should develop a support group for such families to share their feelings, struggles and concerns with one another. The congregations should try to understand where they are coming from and attempt to undo the prejudices they may have unknowingly committed. In all cases, the religiously-divorced should NOT be forgotten nor ignored. We must love them into the kingdom, sharing that they may be good people, but being a good person is not enough to save them. And finally, we must create communication between the families to share their feelings on the subject. If the religiously-divorced know about the struggles their families are facing, they might consider giving God a second chance.

 

Father God,

We pray for those who are religiously-divorced from You. We pray that they will long to seek You and Your love. We want to be sensitive to those who are the single parent in the spiritual sense. Grant them peace and endurance in their prayers and faithfulness to You. May we as a church be there for the entire family to love and support them. Show us how we might reach them and to restore the family as one in and through You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.